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New Year
Long time. Long time. Sorry 'bout that. I got sick. Super sick. AGAIN. And when I woke up on Tuesday morning and I couldn't breathe and I was supposed to buy a house and everyone expected me to bubble and dance gaily about and all I could do was snurfle and snap at people, I started bawling. Then I went to the doctor. You see, the symptoms I had (stuffy nose, dry throat, cough that seems to come from my crotch and never produces anything except, perhaps, a heart murmer...) were basically identical to the symptoms I had just a MONTH earlier and THAT malady lasted 6 weeks until I finally went to the doctor and he gave me the miracle drugs that cured me within 24 hours. "Why then," I thought, "would I wait 6 more weeks when I can get the miracle drugs TODAY and nip this in the bud." Except. Wrong. From the moment Doogie Howser walked into the office I knew it was going to be trouble. There stood before me the scrawniest 13 year old boy I'd ever seen in my entire life, and he told me, essentially, that I was being a huge baby and I should suck it up and take it like a man. "It's a COLD, bitch. Deal with it like the rest of us have to!" Yeah. Fuck off Doogie. So. No drugs. No nuthin. I left work and went home to bed. Woke up at 2:30, went to sign my name 800 times on papers that apparently say that I now own the house that I live in (or, well, technically the bank does I suppose. I will in 30 years) though you'd never know that by me. I had to have the lawyers read it to me. Probably I just signed everything over to them in my will, and am now squatting on some other dude's property. Whatever. They can have my CD collection. Anyhow, my family members had me all packed up by the time I got out of the lawyer's office, and then there was a huge flurry of activity that involved about 24 of my family members, a tray of cheese, approximately 6 pizza's and 4...maybe 6 bottles of champagne. I, mostly, just sat there. I came out of the whole ordeal with a new featherbed (YAY!) and a new 27" TV (YAY!) and, of course, a new house with puke green shag carpeting! Whoo! Eventually my family disappeared and in their place were my sisters friends. My sister's friends are great. But they're...my sister's friends. Not my friends. So I hung things up in my room and went to bed at 11 p.m. HAPPY NEW YEAR! Meh. My house is great though. Even with the crappy carpeting. And I'm feeling better. Although, I think I"m getting my period. Fucking great. I'm going to start calling these pants (light khaki cords, if you will) my period pants. Nothing is guaranteed to bring on huge gushes of blood like my period pants. Jesus. Oh well. AT least that means I'm ovulating. I think. As I am now amish at my new house, this is probably it til Monday. Cheerio! Shelly |
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