|
Lonely ramblings
I spent almost the entire day in an orientation session. This brings the total orientation sessions I have had for this job (in which I have been employed since 11/02) to 4.5. Yes. Folks. And what am I going to take from all this orientating? God. Free lunch. That's about it. If someone were to ask me about what we did in Orientation today I'd say "OOh! We got free sammiches! And...something about a guy. With a pickle. I dunno...whatever. Free sammich! yay!" I, generally, hate stuff like that. I never want to be the "new kid." I always want to be the princess. Having to attend 4 bajillion orientation sessions makes me feel like a complete moron on repeat. Yeah yeah. I'm done being new now! Can't you all just adore me already? And yet. They really don't. What has happened to my irresistable charm? I've always been the princess! I will perish if I cannot continue to be the princess! WAH! I think I'm just bitter cuz I can't even get the nerdy ones anymore. And I mean. SUPER nerdy. I love nerds. I've always loved nerds. But I have always sort of loved the nerdy guys who aren't nerdy really - or at least are no more nerdy than I am. Cepts now? All the sudden? SERIOUSLY getting it bad for people way nerdier than I am. And they? Yeah, they think I"m weird or something. They won't even speak to me. Of course, maybe it's because I'm a girl. And they're a nerd. But I will take it personally. And I'm feeling lonely lately. Sooooo lonely. My pal & ex roomie G called on Saturday. I didn't really miss him til I heard his voice. And heard that he misses me. And heard that he was going out with all our old friends (plus some that weren't around when I left) and I was going to be sitting home alone. I wonder (often) if I made a mistake. It really does me no good though. And truthfully, it wouldn't be better if I went back. The grass is always greener & whatnot. Anyway, I used to have quite a "thing" for G, and I'm pretty sure if I still lived there, I would - again - have a "thing" for G. But knowing that he's missing me just makes me feel achy. I don't want to be alone anymore. I'm getting really tired of schlepping around this game-face with me everywhere I go. I watched "Singles" last night too. Man, I haven't seen that movie in ages. The cable company fucked me over (yeh. Don't get me started. Fuckers. Fucking motherfucking fuck-suck fuckers.) so I don't have cable this week (and of course, ALL the good shows are starting this week! INCLUDING the show with Cory Feldman and the dude from Webster!! WHY GOD?? WHY???) so I bought a bunch of DVD's (part revenge against the cable company--I know it doesn't make sense, shut up--part soothing my frazzled nerves). So I watched Singles last night and that only intensified the loneliness. Mannnnn...when Kyra Sedgwick shows up at Campbell Scott's door at the end and is all "I don't have to be your girlfriend. I just want to know you again" and he just stares at her for like 3 years and then just says "What took you so long?" I was a puddle. Just a bunch o' goo. MARRY ME CAMPBELL SCOTT! Or Jesus. Kyra Sedgwick? I'm getting less picky as time goes on. I didn't make any New Years Resolutions this year, but I think that getting a life would probably be a good one. Find a part time job that will cater to my extraordinarily picky hour preference and is also not beneath me (by my standards). That leaves about 3 possible job opportunities that I can explore. Apparently I really DO think I'm a princess. The thing is--I have this dog. So I can't be gone all the time. And I won't give up every single weekend. And I won't work at Burger King. Or at the weiner factory. So. It's going to be a liquor store (um, heh.), a book store, or a video store. MAYBE a coffee shop, but I'm not into serving people shit. Anyhow, a PT job would be a step in the right direction. AT least until I can go back to school. I'm itchin' to go back to school. Enough rambling. It's almost the end of the day. I have to try to write something about love for my friend BV's wedding. I don't suppose that anyone reads this diary really--but on the off chance that someone is--I'm open to suggestions? I don't remember what love feels like (um--when it feels good, that is) - any morsels of inspiration you'd like to share... Yeah. G'night. |
NAVIGATE
new
|