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FAQ about the Cantankerous Bitch
I don't care if nobody has asked me anything. Shut up. God. What is your real name? Most days it would be easy to believe that it's Bitch. So we'll leave it at that. Please address all e-mail to "Dear Bitch" I'll get a kick out of that. Where are you from? I was born and raised in Rochester, MN and that is where I live now. You keep mentioning about how you "just moved back" - what's that about? About 4 years ago I decided it would be a really fun thing to pack my shit up and move to North Carolina. It wasn't. Fun. Mind you, those 4 years were a learning experience and full of adventures most of my peers will never know, but as a rule? North Carolina isn't very user friendly. Especially if you're a stoic midwestern girl, like moi. So what? You just hate North Carolina now? Mostly. Yeah. I miss Bojangle's though. Lots. How old are you? 25. Almost 26. Kill me now. Do you have any brothers or sisters? Yeah, in that complicated way that most modern families work. One real sister (20), One stepbrother (26) and his wife. 3 significantly younger half sisters and 1 significantly younger half brother. Do you like chicken? Absolutely. Do you have any pets? See the question about my brothers and sisters. Also - Oliver is my 2 year old black lab. Ellie is our 6 year old family golden retriever. Are you single? Uh huh. Why? Clearly because nobody has managed to discover this diamond in the rough just yet. Plus? I'm cantankerous. And I'm a bitch. And I love my dog more than I love most people. Guys have a hard time with that kind of competition. Plus? I'm a little wacky. Wacky = Psycho? Shut your pie hole. Wacky=wacky. Quirky. Spontaneous. Unpredictable. Emotionally, I'm quite stable (usually), thank you. Are you a lesbian? Oh for fuck's sake. NO. I like boys. Well, at least, I like boys in theory. What do you drive? 1998 Geo Prism, Khaki You keep talking about this house. What's up with that? When I moved back to Rochester (in October, 2002) I found me a house to buy. It's super cute (minus the hot pink shag carpeting) and has a fenced in backyard for my Oliver. Plus! Two car Garage! Surely, if my good looks, feminine wiles and sharp wit cannot attract a man, a schmancy 2 car garage should do the trick, no? What's your favorite color? Dark blue. Do you have any tattoos? Yup. A sunflower on the outside of my left foot, and a frog on the inside of my right ankle. How about piercings? Just my ears and left cartilage now. I had my nose pierced, but when I got my new job they wouldn't allow it. New job? What is it exactly that you do? I'm a secretary. I work at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester. Do you like it? The clinic is a good place to be. Mother Mayo will take care of you. Being a secretary? Oh God no. I hate it. I always think I'm going to start liking it, and then I just keep on hating it. So what WOULD you like to do? Not work? I don't know. Write. The problem is that I'm so rarely inspired these days. Will you marry me? That depends. How much money do you have? Will you suck my... Oh sure. Stand in line. Teeth are good. Right? Why are you such a bitch all the time? Just part of my charm babe. Plus, I'm just not really a bitch at all. Which is why it's so funny to call myself a bitch. You see what I do there? Yeah. |
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