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Whisper
I�m so poor. I don�t remember the last time my finances were so tight. This morning I cleaned out my �Home� checking account in order to cover the first half of Oliver�s surgery. I paid three bills. The rest are going to have to wait until I get paid next Tuesday. This weekend I will scrape by by the skin of my teeth. I�m actually thinking of asking Sarah T. to take a basket of change I�ve been collecting for a couple of years in to work with her tomorrow to exchange for cash to get me through the weekend. Yeah. It�s tight. It�s temporary. But it�s tight. On top of that, I�m an emotional basket case today. I�m starting to think that maybe I have manic tendencies. In fact, I�m pretty sure that when under abnormal amounts of stress (which, for me, is pretty much any stress at all) I absolutely do have manic tendencies. I couldn�t get the Powerpoint Presentation I�m working on to do what I wanted it to do so I came 8 seconds and 4 deep breaths away from bursting into tears in front of my computer. I�m trying to hold it all together, because that is what I do, but I�m also trying to open up a little bit and let people in in a way that I simply just do not do on a normal basis and I think that might account for all the cracks in my armor today. It�s one thing if I just hold myself together all day and operate like a normal human being until I get home at which time I fall into bed, burst into tears, and cry myself to sleep. There�s no harm in that. It�s another thing if I admit, first thing in the morning, that I�m not doing very good and therefore leave myself open and vulnerable for the rest of the day. I feel very raw. I�m not good at being vulnerable. It doesn�t take much to make me pull back into my shell. Some days, I require a lot of patience. In any case, hopefully this is all almost over. I just received the call that Oliver is out of surgery and doing fine. There were no complications and apparently he is not dying of a brain tumor. Either that, or they�re just really really cushioning the blow. I�ll get to bring him home tomorrow and that will feel good. After that, it�s just a matter of waiting for my finances to straighten out and then things will be back to normal for me. I won�t be bouncing off the walls quite as much. *sigh* |
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