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Rainbow Connection
I am making a concentrated effort to not allow this diary to turn into something that a twelve year old with her first crush would write. Believe me, I still have that (written) diary and it is not pretty. I don�t want to write only about the boy because the boy is not the only thing in my life. I still have family and friends and a gimpy little dog (who goes in for surgery tomorrow) but the truth of the matter is that none of those things are particularly exciting to write about and the one thing that kind of is interesting enough to write about (Oliver�s surgery) just stresses me out and makes me sad. So, for today, I�m just going to write about the boy and make no apologies for it. I need to come up with a better name than �the boy� for the boy. We�ve hit a new comfort level. Actually, we�ve hit several new comfort levels over the course of the last few weeks, but this last one is my favorite. I feel like I�m able to be more myself now. I do less censoring and more teasing. We are less fragile so I lean on us a little harder and trust us a little stronger. I laugh more often, more easily, and more heartily. That�s my favorite part. The laughing. When we first started talking to each other we�d spend ungodly amounts of time on the phone. It was nothing for 8 hours to pass and for me to be going to sleep as the sun started coming up. I loved those conversations and the wasting away of the wee small hours of the morning like that. It�s even better now that we don�t have to do that anymore. There�s a face to the voice and a warm body to curl up next to and finally, with this comfort level, sleep comes easily. It�s amazing to me how easy it is to be together. How easy it�s been to get to this comfort level. I still freak out a little bit when we�re not together � I get cranky and difficult. I start testing my boundaries and panicking about how it feels like I miss him more than he misses me (because I clearly know how to focus on what�s really important). It�s not that I can�t spend a few days without him, it�s just that it�s better when we�re together. I�m working on chilling out. I�m learning that there�s no need to panic. We spent the weekend on the go. Quality time was spent with his family and his friends and I�m amazed at how quickly everything fell into place with them. I don�t feel like an outsider in his world. It makes me happy that he wants to share them with me and me with them. It also makes me happy that there are times when he wants me all to himself, when he doesn�t want to share with anyone. It�s a warm, safe feeling. A perfect balance. The The boy and I ate dinner last night at a little Italian place tucked in a corner of downtown. It�s pretty quiet, dimly lit, and with the right person the ambience is conducive to feelings of romance. He challenged me to an arm wrestling match in our booth. I lost a little piece of my heart forever right at that moment. It�s the little things. The goofy things. The unexpected things. It always has been. It�s just that easy. As I mentioned before, Oliver has surgery tomorrow morning. I�m scared out of my mind about it. He fell down the stairs on Saturday night and I am concerned there�s maybe something more wrong with him than just his leg. I guess I�ll know everything I need to know by the end of the day tomorrow so I�m going to refrain from voicing my theories here because they only serve to freak me out and Lord knows I don�t need encouragement there. In any case � wish us luck� |
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