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Musical Memories
There's no question that music has tremendous power over my memory. Almost every important memory I have is tied to a particular song. "Drops of Jupiter" by Train will forever be tied to the end of an important relationship and I smile every time I hear it just remembering how much he hated that song. "Holding On" by Storyhill recalls an early morning fishing trip that fell at the beginning of my fall for the same boy. "Love Song for a Vampire" by Annie Lennox recalls one of the most tender moments in my first relationship. "Coconut" will always remind me of shots night at Miss M's, and "Mekong" by the Refreshments recalls my pre-legal drinking days with Bear. This morning I was sorting through some old mix CD's to find songs (er..."Damn it Feels Good to be a Gangster" which is also my theme song with my old roommate Jennifer) to put on new mix CD's for the people to whom I owe new mix CD's and I stumbled upon this...another favorite memory. February 15, 2002 I lay sprawled out on his air mattress, my head perpendicular to his, our hands almost touching. We're spent. I don't remember why - most likely due simply to the end of a long workweek at jobs that continually sucked our souls dry. It's late - it's almost midnight. We've been talking for hours and now we've run out of things to say so we just lay close to each other and enjoy the company while the music on his computer lulls us ever closer to sleep. I found love...when I found you. When I look in your eyes I know it's true. My life was lonely...yeah broken and blue. Then I found love (I found love) when I found you. We're not dating. I adore him and I think he adores me, but our living situation - that is, living together - makes any move towards a relationship a sticky situation. I'm okay with that because I enjoy the high of adoring someone the way I adore him and I am comfortable with the closeness we have anyway. I will feel completely differently towards him in less than a year, but I don't know that yet. In this moment, I am content and blissed out. Oh once in a lifetime. Hey, that's how it feels. There's so good so damn good, how can it be real? Oh when you touch me, yeah...you touch me through and through (yes you do). I know I found love. When I found you. I move my head a bit to look at the clock. 11:57 p.m. He turns to see what I'm looking at and smiles a little before settling back into our comfortable little nest and letting the music take back over. Now girl you've got all of me and I want you to know (want you to know right now) that there's nothing in this crazy old world that would make me want to let you go (let you go)...oh yeah. My eyes are closed. I'm not falling asleep yet, but it won't be long now. I sigh a little and shift on the mattress a bit to find a more comfortable position. Once I'm settled in again I feel the touch of his hand on my forehead. My eyes fly open and I look over to him...he's smiling at me and I smile back a little. "Happy Birthday..." he says so softly I wouldn't hear it if I wasn't so close. I look at the clock. Midnight. I smile wider and whisper a thank you before laying my head back down. Yeah once in a lifetime. Hey now that's how it feels...yeah something so good (so good) how can it be real? Oh now girl when you touch me (yeah) you touch me through and through (yes you do). I know I found love (I found love) when I found you. It's the first time anyone has ever wished me happy birthday at midnight. It's a small thing (miniscule really) but that's what makes it so special. I'm the happiest I've ever been on my birthday and it's because of him. A little while later he gets up to use the bathroom and the spell is broken. I crawl off his air mattress and into my own room. Sleep comes quickly and the next day the tenderness from the night before is gone. He buys me breakfast and gets me drunk by noon and we're the same old friends we've always been...only closer somehow. The song - every time I hear it - takes me right back to that night. He doesn't remember my birthday anymore, but we're living 1500 miles away from each other now so I hardly expect him to. Something changed between us a long time ago anyway and when I hear his voice now...nothing happens. But something did happen once...and it happens again every time I hear the song now. Oh I found love. When I found you. Yeah, when I found you. ("I Found Love (When I Found You)" by Kenny Wayne Shepherd)
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