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Ode to an Ex (not mine)
Once upon a time I used to write a lot and I find what I had to say back then very amusing (basically, I totally love myself 5 years ago). Tonight I was talking to Bear and paging through old emails - mostly dedicated to my very turbulent last relationship (which was a while ago now, so it hasn't gotten much airtime here...maybe down the road.) I stumbled across a poem I had written for her as a "pick-me-up" after the demise of one of her turbulent relationships. As I'm terribly in love with myself 5 years ago, I thought it deserved a post. Once upon a time/LONG LONG ago/a girl fell in love/with an ugly ass schmoe 'twas not her fault/the world could see/cuz cupid used to own/the store now called Hy-Vee the bliss was short lived/as the young lass did learn/that kissing a schmoe is as pleasant/as a raging case of heartburn Cupids arrows are strong/so years and years did pass/until one day a glimpse of reason/befell the lovely lass "My Lord what have I done?"/the young maiden weeped/"I've wasted so much time/on this pimply assed creep!" And so that maiden left/to make her way out on her own/with memories that gagged her/of the ass that she'd once blown. Until one day she'd had enough/our heroine needed closure/so down she sat with pen in hand/to write out final composure. I hate you because you stink like cheese/I hate you for your spite/I hate you because you suck in bed/I hate you with all of my might. I hate you for the times I gave you/my heart on a silver dish/and you stabbed it with your plastic spork/and ate it like a fish. I hate you because I believed in you/when you believed in nothing/I hate you because I truly thought/it was happiness you'd bring. I hate you because your ass has hair/hat's longer than what's on your head/ hate you because in conversation/ must check to make sure you're not dead. I hate you now that you're thick in the middle/nd you still live with mom/ hate you because I actually had to question/f you'd rather be with me or "Tom." I hate you because you took me for granted/and I would have given you heaven/you just took and took and never gave/gluttony's one of the deadly seven. For all this and more I hate you now/these fumes are of love gone sour/and with every new thought and passing day/my hatred grows by the hour. So away with you my putrid sloth/let me live in peace/Do what you will with your miserable life/I'm no longer on your fucking leash. |
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