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The Bachelorette Party that Couldn't
I don't know what I expected really. I wasn't surprised to find the bride's sister inflating a 6 foot penis when I entered the house. It wasn't terribly shocking that the bride wore a veil of cheap netting, ultra faux pearls and tiny plastic penis'. It was a bit alarming that the night never got even a smidge more raunchy than that. Ever. In fact? The bride refused to take the 6 foot penis out with us, she refused to drink more than a couple of fruity girly drinks and then she refused to let anyone who had purposely stayed sober in order to drive us home - drive the brand new Tahoe back to her house. It was nothing short of pure luck that her cousin and I became smoking buddies and spent an inordinate amount of time drinking our fair share, plus the brides fair share of drinks and puffing our cares away. As it was, I woke up to the sound of the brides maniacal dog barking nonstop through the sliding glass door, mere inches from my head on Sunday morning and thought "these people are my friends? But...why?" It's true. Before this last weekend I would never have pegged anyone I would have called my friend to throw a bachelorette party that...well...lame. Sunday morning found me nursing a glass of orange juice while the bride passed out schedules for the next week, and the bridesmaids devoted some serious quality time on such fascinating topics as "to wear glasses or not to wear glasses" "to fake bake or not to fake bake" and most importantly the debate between the bride and one of her bridesmaids about what the reasoning would be for not having champagne served at the wedding because "[she'd] never heard of such a thing and it really is the only form of alcohol [she] care[s] to drink." I found myself clutching the orange juice in a death grip while mentally flogging myself for not having the foresight to have driven myself so that I could leave whenever I bloody well felt like it. As the only person in attendance who is not a member of the wedding party, I found the whole thing a bit...well...crass. And after that, utterly boring. If I had it to do over again, I wouldn't have gone. I will say this about it though, it (and other similar wedding planning follies) is certainly giving me a fair idea of what I do and do not want for my own wedding (should one ever occur). My wedding party is shrinking rapidly, and the pre-wedding festivities are becoming more and more exclusive. If there are many more weddings before my own comes along, there's a good possibility that there will be tickets to vegas and an elvis impersonater involved. I'm almost not even kidding. *********************************** Still Reading: Jemima J. by Jane Green. And...well. It sucks, frankly. I'm so disappointed. I'll finish it because it's readable but I'm not happy about it. I'll go into it more once I'm done. Recently Saw: New Best Friend because Sara told me I had to. What an incredibly weird, dark movie. It's like Heather's for today's youth, only it's all played out and just...weird now. Weird weird weird. Also: Phone Booth - which I thought was meh. Even Colin Farrell looked meh in it. |
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