The Better Part of Me...

Anyone to Powder my Bottom?
2003-06-06 @ 12:36 p.m.

Why yes, I am three years old. Thank you for asking.

I have pink eye(s)

Possibly strep throat

Possibly uvulitis or something I can't pronounce but which amounts to a yeast infection in the throat - as far as I can gather

Empetigo on my bottom lip

I am one childhood infection away from chicken pox right now.

Not only that - but my little trip to the doctor this morning resulted in me having to step on a scale. I did my very best to not let my eyes meet the scale numbers, but all my attempts at denial were thwarted when the nurse shouted the vile numbers out at me anyway.

Thanks, nurse.

I'm fat. I have snotty ooze dripping from several different orifices, I can't swallow without wincing from the pain and I have a crusty growth underneath my bottom lip. Care to add insult to injury?

"You can step down from the scale now fatty."

Piss off, bitch.

That said, I think it's time to kick things into high gear diet wise. I don't know what that means yet. Consult me about it when the green guck is no longer sliding down my face. We'll discuss calories and carbohydrates then.

I'm so. Tired. I am working today because I do not have two sick days budgeted into my paid time off for the next couple of months. I have all my sick days allotted for the winter months. There is no time to spare in the summer. I can't even spare the day I took off yesterday - though the only way I'd have come into work yesterday would have been if they'd agreed to provide me with a snuggly blanket and pillow and unlimited time to nap. If I ever find a job that agrees to such terms, I am never leaving it. Ever.

Happy Friday y'all.

Ergh.

**************************************

Listening To: The steady rattle of my breathing.

Reading: The Honk & Holler Opening Soon by Billie Letts. The book has a crazy cast of characters and it's...a little off its rocker, but I'm liking it actually.

Recently Saw: I pried my eyes open long enough for the Amazing RAce last night (cuz I knew that Sara would kick my ass if I didn't) and I was sad that Sara's team got booted, but I was really caught up in that mask game. Cuz. Really? COOL.

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