|
Mi Familia - in (sort of) retrospect
Gram: I feel bad that I'm either the lector or eucharistic Minister every weekend. Everyone probably wonders just who I think I am that I have to be in the front of the church every week. Mom: Actually, they're probably thinking "better her than me." Me: Seriously. Mom: Besides, it's the same people in church every week. turning to me You wouldn't like that mass, it's all old people. Gram: What? Shelly doesn't like old people? Aunt: Ooooh. You're in TROUBllleeee. Me: Wait. What? When did I start hating old people? Mom: I just said that you wouldn't like that mass cuz it's all old people, that's all. Gram: You better watch your mouth in this company Shelly. Me: exasperatedOh yes. That's right. I hate the old people. I kick them! Don't let the oldies near me! Gram: I can't believe you'd say that when we're sitting right here! Me: Yeah. Shut up Gram or I'll kick you next! Seriously - my family can be overwhelming. Sometimes you don't even have to speak to have your words twisted around and thrown back in your face in a completely garbled, often ten times more offensive, mess. The day I started kicking old people was the same day I started hating my mom for ripping down the tiling in my bathroom. Not just freaking out in a very mild manner about it (which was, in fact, the reality of the situation). ACTIVELY HATING HER, and when she not so subtly brought to my attention that she had been clued in on my plans to disown her as part of my family - we were mere seconds away from a Big Fat Greek Wedding Moment complete with "WHY YOU NO LOVE ME ANYMOREEEEEEE *wail*?" Shut up mom. I'll kick you too. Grown men who have married into my family often find that a bit of adapting is necessary. Receiving a Barbie for Christmas is highly complimentary. No really, it is. Games are highly competitive. All games. There's a reason I spent most of my childhood as a bloody, broken child. When my uncles invited me to play football, they conveniently "forgot" that I was a girl. When they invited me to build snowmen it was a clever ruse designed to draw me out into the cold snowy frontierland so that they could smash my head into the snow while affectionately screaming "whitewash! whitewash!" No need to check on that unsettling noise coming from the kitchen - it's just my aunts having belching contests and fighting over who gets the last of the crab dip. I've had a lot (a lot a lot a lot) of family time since I moved back from North Carolina and it's been so interesting to observe the little nuances and peculiarities of my family members - as an adult. It's been a long time since someone smashed my face into the snow (though it's been a lot less long time since someone jumped on top of me to start a pig pile of death) and oddly that sort of rough and tumble childhood made my family just that much closer. We're loud. We're obnoxious. We sometimes try to kill each other (albeit inadvertantly) and we can grate on each others nerves like nobody else in the world can. We can also kick your ass in a belching contest. Hands down. ************************************** |
NAVIGATE
new
|