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Fuzzy Wuzzy Was a Bear....
I didn't start waxing until a couple of months ago. Whatever was on my face I figured was supposed to be there and I could just deal with what the Good Lord gave me. If it got out of hand, I had my trusty razor and a bottle of Nair to do the job. Not that those are the best remedies for these problems, the face tends to be a delicate area and razor burn is rather unsightly on a female neck and the whole concept of Nair-in and of itself-is a bit alarming ("so you put this stuff on and it just...makes my hair fall off? Is that a good thing?"). Plus--the Nair? Smells like egg. No kidding. You walk through the grocery store, pick up a bottle and think "WOW! Shaveless hair removing stuff!" and you open the bottle and *sniff sniff* it smells like flowers. COOL! So you take it home and begin glopping it all over your face and legs and other random body parts (don't worry--the bottle warns against using on genitals and eyes...*shew*) and then you pass out from the overwhelming flowery CHEMICAL smell that begins wafting up from your extremities. If you're lucky, you regain consciousness in time to wipe the chemical solution off your body before it mistakes your skin for hair and starts making that fall off as well. Then suddenly it hits you. Egg. You're a little red and itchy, but hair free and gorgeous and positively reeking of egg. Why does it do that? How can people stand that? And it doesn't seem to go away. After a vigorous scrubbing I have often found myself thinking that I once again smelled of honeysuckle and juniper and a random sudden movement will cause my nose to twitch and before I know it...egg. MOST unpleasant egg, I assure you. Enter waxing. The beauty of waxing is that it rips the hair out by the roots and thus makes the skin baby soft and hair free for an extended period of time. The problem with waxing is that it RIPS THE HAIR OUT BY THE ROOTS. My first wax, I remember laying there as I was being fussed over and having my hair ripped out of my face. I sat up prepared to see a younger looking, happier hair free me and instead saw a bright eyed woman with a halloween costume gone awry. MY FACE WAS ON FIRE! I looked at my smiling face and saw that there were angry red flaming wounds where my eyebrows and lips had been stripped. Because of the fair nature of my skin, the flaming red angry wounds stood out like circus makeup and my smile seemed suddenly frightening and garish. I gathered my stuff and headed face down into the world with the assurance that by the next day everything would clear up. Wrong. I woke up the next day to tiny zits all over my wounds. I was told later that this was blistering and that it's very common with first waxes. This may have been nice to know before hand as I was now faced with the prospect of going into work with pus dripping from my eyes and lips. By the following day the little blisters had healed and my face was returning to its normal, evenly fair shade. Within days it looked as though I had been born hair free and within the next month I discovered a disconcerting fact. Despite the pain and oozing and flaming angry red wounds...I LIKED the waxing. I CRAVED the waxing. I hounded my friend the Kickstand endlessly until she allowed me to come back for another waxing. No razor burn. No eggy chemical smell. No hair. And most of all, I suppose, no pain no gain. The only thing I have yet to wrap my brain around is the bikini wax. You have got to be pretty concerned about people staring at your crotch to actually pour hot wax on it and RIP THE HAIR OUT. Who's looking at your crotch that closely? Is it really more of a job than a razor can handle? I mean, I think there's an element of sickness in my decision to continue waxing my face. The face is a tender enough area and my waxers have gotten used to the tears and flinching and then my huddled nervous body fleeing the shop before they can inflict any more pain on me. Whatever sickness is involved in that, you could not pay me enough money to allow them to inflict the same torture upon my genital region. How do people walk after that? I mean, after an upper lip wax I can't even FEEL my upper lip anymore. What happens to the genitals? The Kickstand has a friend whose bikini wax has resulted in an unsightly rash between her thighs. Was it worth it? You can get the same results with a razor without even HALF the pain. There are limits to my illness and, after all, there really is only so much I will do in the name of beauty (and it's really not much). Still the anti-girly girl after all these years. ************************************* This previously written entry was brought to you by my desire to not recognize that there are more important things to reckon with in the world right now than whether or not I wax my brows. Also - The letter X. ********************************** Reading:Harry Potter (still) and the new Time Magazine which is serving to freak me the fuck out. Recently Saw:The Bachelorette last night, and boy was I pissed. ABC played me like a fine tuned fiddle. I had all my cash on Charlie - even after they showed him walking down first. I was all "wha? Huh? Noooooo. They're fuckin' with me. Cuz. WHAT?" Fox could learn a thing or two from ABC about surprising twists. That's all I'm sayin'. |
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