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Happy Crappy Love Day (I'll Drink to That)
I don't hate Valentine's Day. The day, in theory, is such a wonderful idea. Take a day - one 24 hour period - and devote it to love. Tell the people you love that you love them or - even better - show them. There is nothing particularly offensive about that, is there? It sounds pretty warm and fuzzy to me. Indeed, the problem is not the day so much as the problem is what the day does to people. Somewhere along the way the entire concept of Valentine's Day went horribly awry in that present day Valentine's Day turns people into horrific monsters that fall into three camps - the "Offensively Schmoopy" camp and the "Spurned and Bitter & Utterly Alone" camp and the "Hopelessly Needy" camp. The Offensivly Schmoopy camp generally encompasses all happy couples the world over. These are the idiots who spend six times the normal amount on roses and wait three hours for a table at a romantic restaurant, acts that are somehow supposed to prove his/her love for his/her significant other. These are the people who think that proposing marriage on this day is a grand romantic gesture. These are the people who go so over the top on this holiday that it has almost become like a competition. Yes, folks, competition is very romantic. So is making out at the dinner table. Also? Spending heaps of money. Spending heaps of money positively screams of romance. Especially if you have no imagination whatsoever. Contrarily, the Spurned and Bitter and Utterly Alone (SBUA) campers despise everything about this day. These people believe that this day was invented for the sole purpose of rubbing their faces in the fact that nobody loves them. SBUA's take Valentine's Day as a personal affront and will stop at nothing to let the world know how crass they think the whole idea is. These people thumb their noses at what the Offensively Schmoopy calls romance and don't find the notion of spitting on the OS to be entirely inappropriate. It may be safe to say they believe it their mission from God TO spit on the OS in ways both figuratively and literally. SBUA's, in their aggressive anti-Valentine's Day campaign can most often be found burning the Valentine's Day "propaganda" (that has either been sent to them by tormenters or bought by them from local retailers for the sole purpose of the propaganda burning ritual,) and quietly crying themselves to sleep on Valentine's Day night. The Hopelessly Needy's (HN's) choose a different approach. These people are every bit as unattached as the SBUA's, but they see Valentine's Day as a way to capitalize on that. They make plans to hit the bars in hopes to lure someone in with the scent of their neediness. Valentine's Day is, to them, a celebration of their loneliness. Rather than acting out in hostility as the SBUA's do, the HN's throw all of their energy into making Valentine's Day a very special day indeed, by making sure they meet Prince Charming. Or at least Prince Charming for the night. On Valentine's night NA's can be found scantily clad (or overly aftershaved) at your local dive bar and...crying themselves to sleep over their failure to make (yet another) Valentine's Day one for the record books. Me? I say "pshaw" (really, I say that.) Given that the entire meaning of Valentine's Day got itself all fucked up on Hallmark and Hershey's, the day is - more than anything - pointless. That said, tonight I will be with friends. Okay. With A friend. But not a BOYfriend because I don't HAVE one of those. Anyway, we will drink heavily. We will maybe play trivia or maybe rent girly movies or maybe drink heavily with my parents. I don't know yet. But there will be laughter and storytelling and the alcohol will flow freely (at least until I run out of money). Fuck a bunch of camps! That's what I say! (Obviously, when I'm not saying "pshaw".) And seriously? Everyone? Happy Crappy Love Day. *************************************** The secretaries decided to celebrate my birthday at the office today (even though my Bday's not til Sunday. Seriously - if I could drink every time I had to explain to someone that I'm actually not a Valentine's Day baby - my Birthday is actually on Sunday but since we don't have to work Sunday's we're celebrating today - I'd be so hammered by the end of the day. I think it would be so great if I could drink at work. I should lobby for that. *************************************** Still Reading: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (this book is seriously like 25 inches thick, so I'm thinkin' it's going to take me a bit). Also - article in TIME regarding how reality TV is good for you (you see that people, I'm just ahead of the times is all) AND the Television Without Pity recap of High School Reunion (THANK YOU WENDOLA). Recently Saw: Oh for the love of Christ. Bear made me watch the last half hour of "Are you Hot?" last night. We spent about 15 minutes trying to figure out what the point of the show even is in the first place, and then we spent about 10 minutes gagging about the guys pubes that were all fuzzed out. Like - pubes are not hot people. For fuck's sake, it's fine that you have them and everything, but they should never ever be used as fashion accessories. |
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