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Health and Hate Roundup
So. I had surgery just over a year ago, right? The surgery was to repair a hole in my eardrum in which a piece of skin was stuck making it extremely prone to infection and, I don't know, likely to rot my head off or something. During that surgery they put a prosthetic titanium earpiece behind my eardrum in an attempt to improve my hearing in that ear. The prosthetic piece served no medical purpose, it was simply an attempt to make me less deaf. The piece fell out a couple weekends ago. My ear has been draining like crazy and I went to swab it and I pulled the paper towel away and�hey�where�d this tiny metal thing come from? Yeah. Oh shit. I live by the book of denial when it comes to my health, so I opted to believe that I was losing my mind, of course the tiny metal thing didn�t come out of my ear and the drainage was totally normal. I don�t need to see the doctor. Well, it got worse. I�m going to spare you the details. I did, however, wind up going to the doctor yesterday with my little metal ear treasure wrapped in plastic. Doc: What brings you here today? Shelly: Excessive ear drainage and�*hands doctor plastic wrapped ear treasure* I think this came out of my ear. Doc: *blank stare* Shelly: So. Um. Does that look like something that could conceivably have come out of my ear? Doc: *realization dawning* OH! Oh. Yep. That would be the titanium ear treasure we put in your ear last May. AMAZING! I can�t believe you found this! I�ve never seen one actually come out of the ear canal before. Shelly: Yes. Well, my ears are little tricksters like that. Doc: At first I thought you were telling me that this whole plastic thing came out of your ear. I was like �No�no it didn�t.� So. I have a raging ear infection right now. It�s raging. Don�t worry�it doesn�t hurt. I�m pretty sure that it�s all dead inside that ear and incapable of feeling pain anymore. It�s just been�kind of gross. I�m on eardrops now (as many as I can squeeze into my ear a day as I was assured that you cannot OD on eardrops) and from what I understand, the doc is hoping that the hole in my eardrum (the new one � caused by the prosthetic ear treasure busting out from behind the eardrum like the little renegade that it is) will heal over as the infection heals. Nobody�s saying it, but I think we all know that if the hole doesn�t heal, this means more surgery. I�m sure I don�t have to tell anyone how excited about that I�ll be. As for the little renegade ear treasure � it will be added to my growing stash of ear memoriabilia. There will be no further attempts to improve hearing in that ear. In other news, I heard from one of the girls I met in the bar a few weeks ago. This is what I cannot understand: I am a chick magnet. I seriously get numbers and e-mails left and right from girls. This begs the question: Why do I not have more guys hanging all over me? I mean, it would stand to reason that if girls are drawn to me (and they are � and they�re all straight) then guys would look at that and think �hey, easy in�� and want to be around me all the time so that I could introduce them to other girls. No? I mean, not that I really want to be a pimp for anyone, but it is utterly baffling to me how little testosterone makes up my social circles these days. Boss is crabby today and I, for one, have had enough. Oh � Let me also state that I cannot stand books or movies in which the hero (or heroine) dies. I�m looking at you Cold Mountain (I just finished the book � I have not yet seen the movie so I don�t know if it differs). What�s up with that? It took me like 15 minutes to come to terms with the ending of that book and the conclusion I�ve drawn is - - - YOU SUCK. God. Please note � I will continue to read books and watch movies wherein the hero or heroine dies, but I will not be happy about it.
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