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One bourbon, One Scotch...
Last night I decided that I had earned the right to drown my sorrows. A week ago I had made plans to get out to a local dive bar to see a band whose light guy Sarah has a girly crush on (the light guy? Gay. Par for the course.) As the events of the week unfolded it began to look like it was not to be - but because the participation level expected of me from that side of my family I found myself with a free Saturday night and the urge to get out and drink excessively. That I did. And it was awesome. For the record - I'm a fan of the dive bar. I love a place where the crowd is eclectic and crazy - people sport the wall of bangs and tapered jeans that were all the rage 15 years ago, the bands are good, and once you find a table and a good waitress - you're set for the night. No pretentious cover charge, no pretentious post teen glam queens, and absolutely chipster free. I mostly sat and drank the night away (exceeding my initial $7 limit by like...a lot) while Sarah fought off the advances of the guy she had introduced to me as "a total perv" and whose hair was all slicked about in a fashion that can only be described as "Alfalfa" from the Little Rascals. I kept myself busy talking to Alfalfa's friend who sported some seriously awesome 80's glasses but who, as it turned out, was remarkably entertaining as we discussed the likelihood of getting picked up for DUI on a riding lawn mower (seriously - would you turn in a dude who was drunkenly mowing your lawn? I think not.) At one point the guy at the next table turned in his chair and scanned the crowd behind him. I caught his eye because he looked like Liev Schreiber and, well, that's my thing. He smiled and said "I'm looking for my brother." Um. Okay. Shelly: Oh? When was the last time you saw him? Liev Well, when we first got here. Shelly: Oh. Liev: He's wearing a black t-shirt with some...bullshit written on the front of it. And he's not wearing a hat. Shelly: Well that's just very helpful. Is it that dude? *pointing to a dude dressed entirely in leather with an awesome harley davidson biker boy ponytail* Liev: *eyeing me incredulously* No. He's not wearing assless chaps. *scanning the crowd, muttering* Not him. Not him. Not him. Sometime during the muttering I got caught up in a conversation with Alfalfa and his 80s glasses friend (something about Oreo cookies...I don't know...Alfalfa was a huge oreo cookie fan. And no - that's not a euphemism for anything. Dude seriously likes cookies) and why, after a night of drinking, it just feels so good to sleep on the bathroom floor. I don't know, but it's been a really long time since I was that drunk. Okay. It was last November. Anyway. Then the old guy fell off his bar stool. Which was sad, of course, but also hilarious. Shelly: That dude has been here for a while. 80's glasses dude: That dude has been here since 1942, don't kid yourself. Hee. I kind of loved 80's glasses dude. Just before bar time Liev showed up with his very very intoxicated brother who, as it turns out was wearing a black Ralph Lauren shirt about which he was very defensive when I mentioned the "bullshit" written on the front of his shirt. His eyes were kind of glassed over and he leaned heavily on my shoulder as he explained that he'd been under a table? With the gang of pimped out older gentlemen who had, earlier in the evening, called me sweetheart (which was also awesome). Why don't I go out more often? It was just what I needed. I woke up this morning with my face smashed into the pillow in a way that only happens after a night of heavy drinking. I think there's a permanent red mark just below my left eye. My ass hurts something fierce - which I can't explain but is usually an indication of falling flat on it. I remember doing no such thing. In other awesome news - I might (maybe, hopefully) have a roommate again. Sarah needs a place to squat because her rent is outrageous (almost as much as my house payment actually) and I have a free room and she would know what she's getting into (what with the crazy dog and my tendency to not be the neatest person ever) and she could use the cheap rent and I could use the extra income and I'm going to figure out some money stuff and run the numbers by her and we'll make a decision. Things are looking up. |
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