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Secretarial Ranting
I am a secretary. I know. I know. You now think that I possess some incredibly powerful supernatural strengths - and I assure you, I do. I can juggle approximately 6000 things at any given moment and still have the presence of mind to answer the phone as it rings off the hook and pass off completed projects to the steady stream of people who stop at my desk. I schedule appointments and make travel arrangements and proofread documents and revise documents and create documents and copy documents and distribute documents. I deal with caterers and room reservationists and doctors & nurses & medical researchers all across the country. All of this, and I generally carry on 2-4 e-mail conversations with my friends, maintain an online journal and follow the journals I read almost religiously. Seriously - I'm fucking awe inspiring here. But y'know - there are some things I can't do. Kryptonite to my unsinkable secretarial spirit. For instance - I cannot write as fast as you talk after 3 cups of coffee. Don't get me wrong - I can write pretty fast, and I've mastered the art of cryptic little half notes that only I can understand. I've even mastered the art of pulling the 2 lines of information that are important out of the 30 paragraphs you've just spoken to me and conveying the message appropriately. Still - when you call me up with a message for someone and that message is indeed 30 paragraphs long and contains words I've never heard of (after all - I am an administrative secretary. I am not a medical secretary. Also? I've only been here a couple of months. I worked in a Civil Engineering Department before this. There's a vast difference in the terminology. I'm still learning.) I may not be able to keep up. So y'know what? Don't bitch at me when I ask you to repeat yourself. Ditto if you're foreign and I don't recognize your name. Okay - so you've probably been here forever. I haven't. And you're name is fucking Eli Phonowoskonkiwak okay? When you call me up and identify yourself as fast as you possibly can, I'm probably not going to get the spelling right. So when I say "can I get your name again please?" all polite and professional-like, do not huff and puff and become all offended like you're the goddamn president of the United fucking States and what the Hell kind of idiot am *I* that I don't recognize you're name. You're just some dude with an extremely fucked up name and I could give two shits about what it is that you do here - I just want to know how to fucking spell Phonowoskonkiwak because I come from ancestors with names like "Stolp" and "Askew" so if you're going to hit me with more than 5 letters, be fucking prepared to spell it for me. Also, if you have an accent? Fuck off. Unless it's an Irish accent. Or Australian. Or even British. Especially if you can work the word "wonky" into the message you're leaving. That is all. ************************************** Still Reading: Yeah yeah, I didn't finish "Advanced Sex Tips" last night. I got distracted. It'll maybe get done tonight though. I have dinner guests tonight - but we shall see. Recently Saw: American Idol last night. I think I have a crush on Ruben. |
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